FLOOD WARNING A-BU-BU
It is raining again as I write this, but a real deluge is coming your way.
YOUR SINS HAVE FOUND YOU OUT. While you went on eating, drinking, and reveling the flood has come upon you unawares.
We have opened the windows of the heavens and the floodgates of the oceans, and a deluge of writing has come pouring down upon your head. Here at BONZOZ, and also at the COLLESSEUM. (Click on it to see the total damage.) The one you should look for (with instructions on how to escape destruction) is The Epic of Atrakhasis : Flood Story, under the heading ANCIENT MESOPOTAMIA.
Now you will drown, and your name will be blotted out from the celestial book of records and the tablets of destiny.
YOUR ONLY HOPE OF SALVATION lies in drinking it all in, down to the last drop. Then there will be nothing left to drown in.
When the Mesopotamian gods destroyed humankind with a deluge (abubu), they were sorry and said in Akkadian (the language of ancient Mesopotamia):
We have made abubu.
Gods cannot survive without worshippers to feed them with sacrifices. When the survivors sent up sacrifices, the gods gathered like flies at the altar, we are told.
After the Hebrew God sent his devastating deluge, affectionately known as the Great Flood, he told Noah that he would never do it again (Genesis 9:8-17), and he put his coloured bow in the sky as a sign of this covenant.
No such undertaking will be given here.
The early Babylonian account of the Flood is found in THE EPIC OF ATRAKHASIS from ancient Sippar in `Iraq. That city was the home of the sun-god Shamash. The story goes that the gods had to do all the work of digging beds for rivers in the beginning, but they went on strike, and so humankind was created to maintain the earth. However, they bred so profusely that their noise prevented the top god Enlil from getting his beauty-sleep. So he sent a series of disasters to wipe them out, but neither plague nor famine, nor drought, nor flood could eradicate the nuisance, because each time Enki the god of wisdom saved a few so that the gods would not be left bereft of labour, and servants to bring their meals.
In the Bible (Genesis 5-7) the reason why God sent the Deluge was that humankind had polluted the earth with their sins, and it needed a good cleanup. One family and a pack of animals was preserved in a a box-boat (an ark).
The Vacation of a Lifetime
For your vacation this year sail away somewhere over the rainbow.
Take to the great watery expanse in your own ark.
Be one up on your neighbours.
Be the first in your street to possess a custom-built ark.
No more worries about exorbitant motel charges and regulations.
On this holiday you can take your pets with you, in first class cabins.
See the undersea world through the glass bottom of your ark.
Watch your neighbours writhe in envy as you pass over them.
Have the world at your feet when you land on Mount Ararat.
To our Mesopotamian customers: by special arrangement you will be permitted to disembark on Mount Nimush (alias Nisir), which is also in the Urartu/Ararat mountain range.
Comfortable landing sites, each with its own private altar of sacrifice, now ready for booking.
Hurry. Don't delay.
Only the finest gopher wood and choicest pitch used in our products.
Specifications: 300 cubits long by 50 cubits wide by 30 cubits high.
Sewerage facilities (for disposal of human and animal wastes) extra.
Available from Noah Lamekhson and Sons (Shem, Ham, Japheth),
Shipbuilders inc. (by Divine Appointment).
But hurry, while stocks last.
Bargain. One only, luxury liner ark, prestige Babylonian model, seven decks, each deck divided into nine spacious compartments, sleek perfect-cube design (120 cubits by 120 by 120). Ideal for persons (husband and wife or wives) who have attained the age of 650 years and are seeking a comfortable dwelling for their retirement.
What the ‘ell is a cubit???
That’s right, it's an ell, the length of your forearm.